Winning With People #3 – The Pain Principle
Aditya May 4th
Targeted Audience: Entrepreneurs, Students, Recent Graduates
Background: Renowned leadership expert and author John C. Maxwell describes how anyone can improve his or her relationship skills with 25 principles in his book Winning With People.
I plan to cover each of his principle in this series.
Please read more principles here: Winning With People
John Maxwell’s “The Pain Principle”
German poet Herman Hesse wrote, “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us.” When hurting people lash out, it is in response to what’s happening inside them more than what’s happening around them. They feel or believe something negative within themselves. The problem is that people who don’t believe in themselves will never succeed, and they will also keep those around them from succeeding. Not only do hurting people hurt others, but they are also easily hurt by others. As you interact with others, remember this: Any time a person’s response is larger than the issue at hand, the response is almost always about something else. If you find yourself dealing with a hurting person, don’t take it personally. Look beyond the person and the situation for the problem. Try not to add to his or her hurt. Forgive those who lash out at you, try to help them and move on.
Another classic message by John! In our day-to-day routine, we come across many conversations with our family, colleagues or friends. And very soon, these conversations turn into debates, and then debates into verbal fights. Because, during our conversation, we observe that something is lacking in ourselves. We loose our temper and lash out at someone when we realize some negativity about ourselves. And then we forget the point of original conversation and drag whole bunch of other issues in that conversation. In such cases, it’s our inside pain that speaks and not our thoughts. John’s suggestion to look beyond the person and the situation for the problem is certainly a right way to focus on conversation and not get into heated debates.
Have a wonderful weekend ahead!
To read more principles from this series, please visit: Winning With People
